Women’s Rights: Two Steps Away from Salem

When I was a young girl, I was never told I couldn’t accomplish my goals due to my gender. My grandmother was a “classical feminist”, she didn’t metaphorically burn bras or seek vengeance on behalf of her gender.  She was simply a female who sought independence (i.e.- economically, educationally and socially) from the societal expectations of her generation. I had two major female roles models in life and one strong male model, all of which formulated my characteristics, morals and ethics.

Gender was never directly associated with failing, nor was my hereditary background. Feminism was not a popular cocktail word as it has become now. Women’s rights are about equality, yet equality in a society that caters to males can be difficult. In more ways that women of any age, gender or ethnicity wish to confess. It’s trivialized, after women are often characterized as “Nuts or Sluts” in the public forum. We tread lightly already, more than we sense at times.

 After all, who wants to be that crazy bitch? She must be unattractive, man-hating and hold everyone to double standards. She must want to be treated better than men!  We gave you the right to own property, a bank account, and even vote! You must be a liberal, you must be a democrat, you must be…another label we can issue you. Because after all, these women should just be grateful we permit them to work in standards to their education, be grateful.

The double standard of my own childhood is although I was never taught that as a female I couldn’t achieve the highest standards, I was taught I was female in a man’s world and therefore I was an inevitable target.

Love's Baby Soft Fragrance Ad, Circa 1975.

Target for what, you may ask?  Harassment, sexual predators, the faceless fears that is cultivated with violence against women. All forms, that are ignored as simply crazy degenerates, gang violence to random mass shootings (all disregarded as generalized violence to domestic acts of terrorism), but is it addressed as a gender related crime?  It’s common sense in our world to teach all of our children to be safe, yet when I was young I felt this immense pressure to be cautious and be invisible around strangers.

The reality, this made me all the more a target. Make yourself small, quiet and untouchable (in some way) and the offenders will avoid you. The old joke about women traveling in packs to the bathroom? We are told from a young age that if we travel in groups we are less likely to be harassed, targeted, and/or kidnapped in numbers. So when you see girls carrying off to the restrooms, it's not because of you necessarily. It's not a get away to gossip or apply another layer of makeup, it's a mechanism that is taught to females from a young age to stick together for safety.

As I grew up, I discovered the warnings were unfortunately accurate. One was a family “friend” who attempted to get me into their RV one evening with the promises of a board game and candy. Something struck me off about this guy from the beginning, the way he kept looking at me and trying to hug me too much. The large red flag of attempting to isolate me from the other adults. This man paid way too much attention to my clothing, my hair and commented too much about how “beautiful of a little girl” I was.  But thank GOD I had my defenses up and avoided a horrific situation. I did not see ten-year-old me as beautiful or anything to that nature, I was a tomboy. I was quiet, imaginative and polite. Yet I was that girl that had short hair, climbed trees and played with Hot Wheels. I had no interest in boys or sex at that age. So when this older man began showing me attention like this in such an uncomfortable way. I was paying attention to the warnings provided with my gender.

I never did see that cool board game because it never existed. I told my grandmother immediately. She was keen to listen to my concerns, and kept him at a far distance from me during this family’s short visit.  That same evening, my grandmother asked him about the board game he promised. In surprised response, the man sputtered and admitted there was no board game in the RV- he had forgotten it wasn’t in there. She glared at him while he excused himself to his parked RV outside. Meanwhile, his wife made excuses for him and changed the subject. My grandmother looked over to me with a wink. Later I would find out my grandparents requested they leave immediately.

Even more enlightening to add to this story is, much later into my teens, it was found that this family friend molested his own grandchildren and friend’s children. People know when there is a child molester in the family, there are victims and clues which are OFTEN ignored. Even in our modern society.

As my childhood progressed there were other incidents of misconduct that arose. Whether through peers or adults. In these situations, I avoided telling anyone. In the end I knew it would be my word against theirs’ and there is a fabric of victim shaming I was well aware of. I despise the phrase “shaming”, it’s more than an internet Social Justice Warrior pundit. It is a dumbed down phrase to capitalize on the insecurity it stems from. It’s an identifiable characteristic of a that “sixteen-year-old drunk” we call societal acceptance.

I realized the empowerment of saying no and standing my ground, I didn’t need a space to do it. I made that space. Maybe I asked for it, putting myself there. I hardly believe a ten-year-old understood what a sexual predator’s objective was until it is blatantly obvious. What was I wearing someone may ask? I was a tomboy, you tell me. Here is the secret to the assholes who say women ask for it. Just having a pair of tits and a vagina is enough of an invitation for horrible things to befall you. Especially when your culture’s consciousness is that of unaccountability laced with embraced ignorance, it’s easy to blame. Clothing is HARDLY the reason for rape, ask the nation about its drunken state of entitlement and stop asking me about what I was wearing.

Just as notable: All females should know that we are under the reign of a drunken sixteen-year-old culture, that will blame everyone except itself. Therefore we have to take our own advocacy and that of our children into our own hands. Be responsible but be honest. Don't blame every man on the planet for entitlement, build bridges. Equality is more than social media, blogs and the entertainment industry wooing us with female leads in their feminist shit. Think outside the box, not within the parameters provided. Don't be an asshole, use common sense. We have enough assholes to fill Donald Trump's ego. 

Finally, into young adulthood, I was met with the reality. Gender was an underlining issue in workplaces, educational institutions, churches and life generally. I never had another rape scenario, yet I saw the harassment. Commentary that was passing, but exceptionally derogatory. The commentary was insulting at times in a workplace environment, these came from coworkers (not friends) or upper management- these were males in that context. Not women, although they too are just as unnecessarily vicious at times. Keep in mind I was single, a parent at the time. Now I am married, the comments have barely dwindled.

“You would look better in shorter skirts than those longer ones.” (Married with children, coworker)

“Smoking is really unattractive in women.” (Medical advice from the happy hour crowd)

“It’s easier to get laid as a woman, isn’t it?”  (Single, coworker)

“Wow, you are in a mood. Must be that time of the month, am I right?” (Single, coworker)

“Why are you single? Is it the whole you having a kid thing?” (Married with children, coworker)

“You know; this job isn’t cut out for single mothers. Maybe you should lower your standards.” (Management)

“______ is more of a team player. She knows how to network.” (Co-worker who sleeps around in the work place is promoted, Management.)

“Truthfully, most women are just meant to stay at this level. Otherwise it would be nothing but drama in the corporate offices. Better as a secretary.”  (Management)

“Why can’t you stay late? It’s not like you have a boyfriend to please.” (Management)

Yes, there were often the “smile more” comments. I really don’t want to quote those, because I’ve read it enough already. As if that is the worst of it.

Needless to say I was pretty surprised at the comments, but at the same time I rolled my eyes and responded with a corresponding zinger. None of which meant much due to the harassment source to begin with. I have always said things very directly. (So that there would be no mistaken approvals, God forbid.) Despite any deplorable comments, I would always smirk and respond accordingly. Except I did it with arsenic in my words and a tempered smile. You may not taste it right now, but give it time. There would be some hateful responses and even threats to my job at times, depending on the situation. I was supposed to smile, nod and keep going. Pretending that gender prejudice was of the past where it’s acknowledged more compellingly by our country as ancient practice.

The Invisible War: New Film Exposes Rape, Sexual Assault Epidemic in U.S. Military

I heard the recent news of how the U.S. Marines are permitting more women into combat roles, even going as far to make boot camp ranks/titles gender neutral. Although there are individuals arguing that this is plausibly a bad idea, they are marching forward in the sake of gender equality (arguably cosmetic in appearance). I wish I could support this decision at 100% face value as success, but I am just not there yet. The mere fact that sexual assaults and/or harassment had been historically covered up by the U.S. Military, should be a huge red flag that this isn’t a logical move. Promises are disposal, just as the statistics reflect below from 2014. (I am still waiting on 2015 statistics)

·         “160,500 service members (1 in 4 women, 1 in 14 men) faced severe and persistent sexual harassment or gender discrimination in 2014. For most, the harassment persisted for at least several months.”

·         “90% of assaults were in a military setting, mostly by a higher-ranking service member who knew the victim.”

·         “62% of women who reported a sexual assault faced retaliation. The majority of these women faced reprisal from superiors and commanders.”

·         “Harassment was often mishandled by the chain of command: 44% of victims were encouraged to drop the issue and 41% said the person to whom they reported took no action.”

·         “1,027,810 outpatient visits took place at the VA for Military Sexual Trauma (MST)-related care in 2013.”

·         “1 in 4 women and 1 in 100 men veterans who used the VA in 2013 screened positive for MST.”

Statistics Retrieved from:  "Facts On United States Military Sexual Violence." Protect Our Defenders. 2015. Accessed January 26, 2016. http://protectourdefenders.com/downloads/Military_Sexual_Violence_Fact_Sheet_Final_150710.pdf.

Although this is a rough example of how gender is cosmetically approached it is not addressing the source of this underlining illusion. It’s that “drunken sixteen-year old mentality” that rages on the media, internet and cultural consciousness. As more men become fathers, I ask that you consider your own daughter’s well being. How is this world going to treat her? Will she ever be equal to a male counterpart? Answer to this is: she will be treated according to the directive of society.

"Target is in damage-control mode after receiving a series of complaints on social media about a "Trophy Wife" T-shirt that users are calling demeaning and sexist. (Target)" Washington Post, 2015.

How about work, will she work in a safe and reputable atmosphere, where her work ethic and merits flourish? If she is attractive she may get more interviews, if she is unattractive she may be overlooked often. Her appearance will judge the quality of her treatment, for better or for worse. Will she be able to work and care for her family without feeling like a failure? Can she balance her priorities to please her family, her employer and herself? Only time will tell, only economic changes will tell us…in the meantime there are challenges ahead.

Will she be subjected to harassment, assault or worse?

Survey says:

“91% of the victims of rape and sexual assault are female, and 9% are male.”

“One in four girls and one in six boys will be sexually abused before they turn 18 years old.”

“Rape is the most under-reported crime; 63% of sexual assaults are not reported to police. Only 12% of child sexual abuse is reported to the authorities.”

Statistics Retrieved from: "Statistics About Sexual Violence." National Sexual Violence Resource Center. 2015. Accessed January 27, 2016. http://www.nsvrc.org/sites/default/files/publications_nsvrc_factsheet_media-packet_statistics-about-sexual-violence_0.pdf.

It’s frightening to think of your daughter, sister, mother or friend being a victim. A silent victim which is objectified under the magnifying glass of social media, armchair detectives and spurious media stooges. The drunken society where we humiliate so many for speaking up, for asking for help or for seeking justice. Are there those women who have cried wolf before and misled our culture? I have no personal doubts of this. Absolutely true, as I have aforementioned in other articles... narcissism is the raging plague within our culture. Hell, this article is narcissistic to some degree as well. But that is another article, another time. I digress.

If we read the majority of remarks from media: some women are just crazy bitches, slutty whores and uneducated cunts. Cunt is such an ugly word, isn’t it? But bitch, whore, slut, princess, fat, skinny, ugly, useless, easy, loose- are just fine. It’s like the Wal-Mart of quality, bring your carts- everything is on sale. These words will be spouted the first time your daughter refuses the attentions of an overzealous boy, these words will be thrown into her face when she stands her ground and these same words are strewn across social media pages in an attempt to shut down men just as much as women. 

Bridget Bishop hanged as a witch at Salem in 1692. Briggs. Co. / George Eastman House / Getty Images

I am reminded of the hanging trees of Salem during the witch trials of 1692-1693. Modern women are still but a few steps from these metaphorical hanging trees, they never really escaped us. The Salem Witch trials ended only to a point, in longevity it continues. Under the surface where people disregard its’ existence. Yes, women can’t be flogged, stoned to death (in the U.S.) or even hung, nor can they be legally assaulted. But we can be tortured by attacking us in reputation, bullying – it is the new witch hunting.

She asked for it, she just wanted money, she put herself in that position, she shouldn’t had been alone.

What was she wearing when they raped her?

 I wonder if they asked that  question to the U.S. military members of sexual assault? Would it matter more or less?